A year ago COVID hit. Yes, it has been a year. COVID barrel rolled me into a serious depression. I loved to cook and feed and host. COVID took away so much of that for me. I missed hosting bridal and baby showers, and cooking for my family and friends.
Several of my friends had joked that I should open a catering business or start a food blog. The idea was not foreign to me. I had set up websites and blogs as a side gig for people many times in my life.
The problem I had with creating a food blog was much larger. I had a problem with food.
I was the friend that was ALWAYS on a diet. Keto? We were best friends. Wait, now you are Vegan? Yep. Weight Tracker apps? I had THREE at one time. How on earth am I supposed to create a food blog that people want to read when I am so afraid of food?
It was not always this way. I was one of those people with a blessed childhood. We hosted all the holiday’s and we ate well. I loved a veggie tray as much as I loved a cookie tray. Looking back, food was a massive part of my life, and it still is.
My disordered eating started in my teens, as I think it often does for women. Elementary school was rough for me. I wanted high school to be everything it was supposed to be. When I could not control my world , I controlled my food intake.
I had a lovely roommate in my early 20’s who was one of the many people who “mentioned” my dieting obsession. She was less gentle about it and would inform me of the idiocy of counting out 11 almonds for a snack. She rarely dieted, she enjoyed food and worked out regularly. It was a noticeable difference in our lives. My friendship with her was an eye opener. ( Give her a follow, she is an incredible beach body coach insta:@lsheehyfun)
I moved from my 20’s to my 30’s still dieting however. I dove into Atkins for my wedding, losing 10 pounds in two weeks to zip up the most beautiful dress I have ever owned.
I ate my way through my honeymoon, coming back with all 10 pounds and then some. The man I married loves to eat and LOVES when I eat. Apparently I can get a bit “hangry”. He has never cared about my weight and loved my cooking. So, I ate. I was happy and in love and I ate.
Then I ventured down a very long road of fertility treatments. Needles and drugs and treatments and many, many failed attempts. My weight fluctuated a lot. It was rough on someone with such a weight focused brain. It was totally worth it though, IVF was successful and I had some giant babies 🙂
To be honest, I loved that belly. I ate with reckless abandon. I was going to feed those babies like I had never fed myself. It showed. My first kiddo was 9 pounds at birth. 🙂
Of course, after the babies comes the post pregnancy dieting, and so on and so forth.
I would diet all week and binge on the weekends. It never worked long term.
I had a lovely 40th birthday party last year. I lived on water and salads leading up to it to ensure my photos would be perfect. I didn’t take joy in the big event of turning 40. I worried about how I would look in the dress I bought.
Did the photos from the party turn out great? They did, but honestly all I remember from that day was the beautiful people I was surrounded with. The size of my dress mattered so little!!!
I wish I could say I had an epiphany at 40 and decided right there that I was going to stop the madness. I didn’t.
You see, it really was the food blog that changed my life. I wanted to cook good food and share it with people. I didn’t want a page devoted to diet foods. I wanted a real page for moms ( and everyone else) who are trying to get a yummy balanced healthy meal on the table EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I also wanted to be a place where you could find your favorite desserts! I wanted my food to be real and I wanted it to make people happy.
In order to do that I had to also be in a happy place.
I started small. I read a wonderful book called Anti Diet by Christy Harrison.
I started with desserts. Every Sunday I would make a sugary masterpiece. I would eat it without guilt. I would not eat junk all day “because I am eating a dessert so the day is ruined anyway” I would just eat dessert. No shame, no planning, no starting new the next day. I JUST ate the damn dessert.
It was so mentally clearing. I stopped being afraid of food. I stopped worrying about my calorie intake and my pant size. I just learned how to enjoy food again.
This blog will be around for a year next month. A year! I am so proud to say I have a lovely following on here and instagram. I have met some lovely people and had some amazing opportunities all because of this little blog.
Are my pants a bit tighter from this new found joy of food? Yes. Am I super worried about it? No.
I am so happy you are all here and I am so excited to see what my foodie future holds.